What to do with Sherds
by Dionaea007
Summary: There are periods in life when you think you have everything sorted out. For universe it takes only one short moment to ruin it all and leave you with no other choice than learn how to live again. Richard's POV in AU with one huge difference from movie.
1. Morning

**_A WARNING containing spoilers on the bottom of the page. _**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1a<strong>

**Morning **

His life had changed drastically in recent time. However, if someone actually asked him to name the date that separated significant before and after, Richard wouldn't pick up the most obvious one four days ago. No, his life left its ordinary route a little earlier. Probably the last normal day was one family Sunday about two weeks ago all three of them spend together. He, Jason and Lois. The rigid logic was telling those events couldn't be related with what happened later but Richard knew... he damn knew better.

A home phone started ringing. Richard didn't left the kitchen chair to pick it up. If his cell phone wasn't already turned off, it surely would have followed. Of course it was.

Yesterday he'd spent the whole day with people. Today was his day alone. Well, almost alone, but Jason was just a kid and still sleeping, exhausted from events of last few days. At least Richard hoped that was all. If munchkin wouldn't appear in half of hour, Richard decided to get up and look upon him.

Another sigh echoed through the kitchen.

He'd watched his life going out of control and maybe he'd seen something bad coming, but he'd never expected the end like this. It wasn't right, it wasn't fair, it even didn't make sense on the outside, but it was how it happened. At first details, than bigger accidents all leading towards the catastrophe.

It'd started almost innocently. Lois decided to sleep on a couch. It had happened before, after an argument or when one of them returned too worn out from the work to even made it upstairs, but never after one of accidents involving Jason's health or without Richard even suspecting the reason.

The breakfast following morning occurred as usual. The fact that Lois looked as if she hadn't closed her eyes all night could have been expected. Lois never slept well after Jason's fragile health let itself known. Besides, their couch wasn't what one would call the most conformable piece of furniture on the world. Richard used to joke that it was a sight of a good marriage. In their case the word engagement would be more correct, but he couldn't help himself. In his mind they were married in all that mattered even if not by the law. Now… he stopped it hurt too much.

During next two days nothing out of ordinary happened. It lasted until Jimmy decided to give Jason an old digital camera. Digital camera to five years old - who does that? If you had looked at the device closer it had a primitive control. Even considering an age of the apparatus, Richard knew, Jimmy himself had never used it. It wasn't designed for professional photography, more like first digital camera you would give your grandmother... or five years old. So maybe Richard was prejudiced, maybe that device wasn't cause of anything, nevertheless he knew with absolute certainty, that if he ever saw the same model he would pound it to pieces.

How he regretted that he hadn't know it back then. But not even two weeks ago a camera had been just a camera, Jason was thrilled to get one and Lois promised take him next day to ZOO and try it.

If Richard told he had been thinking much about the trip during his own work hours, he would be lying. Lois hadn't called whole day. Sometimes she used to when their free days didn't match, then again, other times she didn't. Returning home he had expected to find his fiancée and son already waiting for him. They were indeed there, but with that all normality ended.

Lois was sitting on the couch staring absentmindedly to space before her. It worried him from the start. Last time he'd seen her anything like that was years ago, when their relationship had been starting and her life was a nasty mess. He couldn't find any reason for it that day.

"Lois is everything all right?" he asked, thousands of horrible scenarios going through his mind. She didn't answer. Richard put a hand on her shoulder and she had turned her head towards him in one sharp move like a startled animal.

"Jason -" Richard started.

"No!" It was almost shouting, but finally her eyes seemed to be focusing on him. "I'm sorry, Richard, there are just too many things on my mind. Jason is all right. It's just that camera. He has broken it and it made him upset a lot. I've put him to bet earlier. Please don't ask him about it, he need some time to figure on his own that accidents happen and sometimes it's no one's fault."

With that she had stood up absurdly and almost ran towards the kitchen. Richard was glad that he had been given a motive for his fiancée's odd behavior, the previous few moments had unsettled him greatly; however, his relief was premature.

The dinner was noticeable quieter without Jason. Lois had acted as usual, but it was acting in meaning pretending and Richard recognized it.

Following day she asked him on a romantic dinner. He agreed. At the beginning it was pleasant but soon Richard realized that Lois wasn't her usual self. Of course he had heard she had changed after they met, or maybe after she found out about Jason. She'd slowed down, became less reckless. However, woman sharing the table with him had been an stranger, way too sweet and attentive. He found himself missing the usual rougher Lois. He put it trough the dinner not wanting to offer her. The ending in bedroom was familiar enough.

Next day, when he woke up, Richard expected the old Lois to return. He didn't get her. Towards everyone else Lois acted as usual but with him it had been all smiles and caring even about most trivial of his needs. Next day the same. At the third one, Richard couldn't stand it anymore. He asked Lois straight what the hell was going on.

At first she denied her behavior had been out of ordinary. Lois Lane could be called an expert on denial, but even she couldn't go away with that one.

"I just wanted to be nice for a change." She proclaimed changing tactics.

"But why that radical, change of personality? Lois, last few days I've felt like if I was living with a stranger, why-?"

"Because!"

That was her last word for him for few days. She went furious. Not "we would be shouting at each other for hours" angry, but death silence furious – something she hadn't done since the last time Richard had tried to hustle her to set up the wedding date. Immediately afterwards he couldn't help himself to be glad real Lois was back, even if she hadn't been speaking with him at the moment, however, as soon as the first joy faded, he was able to sense that in truth everything was horrible wrong.

Someone rang on the front door. Richard didn't leave the kitchen to open or even look who it was. Instead he just checked the time on the microwave. Fifteen minutes and he will get up and look at Jason.

When Lois was angry, there was a route one needed to proceed to get on her good side again. Firstly give her some space to cool down, then acknowledge your faults and let her add the list of sins you forgotten to be sorry for, argue some out and acknowledge the others. From this point on it was an easy ride.

The little scary part of the deal was that while arguing Lois was at her best, aiming on the raw center of the problem, never talking around or taking kiddy glowers. But then again, barely less could be expected from star reporter even in her personal life. She was not only able to see what others overlooked, but name it too and Richard had known it from the start. Not everyone would be able to stand a chance with woman like her and he had been always proud to be one of few.

Nevertheless, in their last argument things hadn't worked how they were supposed to. They went through space phase and even _Why I think I was wrong_ one, but then they got stuck like in their engagement.

At least, that have been what he thought at first, because when he had looked at it closer suddenly he understood that Lois being angry was smallest of their troubles. It was like there was a problem so huge between them that if it on day materialized they wouldn't be able to stand closer than on different continents. What was worse Richard despite trying wasn't able to put finger on what it was.

He could feel that Lois knew, but as soon as she stopped to avoid him completely, he had recognized that she was unable to tell him. In that moment, after years of engagement Richard realized that he was used to face Lois stubbornness or anger but not her vulnerability. She never really let him. He hadn't been about to gave up; he had been prepared to learn, no matter the time or effort it could take. He'd even considered asking for professional help if Lois let him, however, around that time she had accepted _the assignment_.

Richard took few calming breaths. He wasn't prepared to go there yet. Looking out of the window, he saw that it was quite nice day - sunny and warm, if one cared about it. He didn't. He checked the time again, still about ten minutes reminded. The hell with them, he told himself, this was going to his son's room not a lawyer appointment. Richard finally left the kitchen.

Jason still in his pajamas was sitting on the bed looking into empty space in same pose Richard had found Lois not even two weeks ago. However, this time he could guess rather well what was going through other person's mind from the beginning.

He sat besides the boy and put him into hug desperately trying to find the best words to say. His son was quicker and done it with flying colors.

"Thanks."

Richard doubted that anyone could tell him anything that would have helped more and he was the father! He still didn't know how to answer. But as Jason relaxed in his arms, he realized that no more words were necessary.

Richard decided to stay here as long as both of them would feel comfortable, or till he would hear the first stomach growling.

The outside world didn't let him.

In almost silent house even the unlocking of the front door could be heard one story up. And there should be no one besides Richard able to do that now.

Someone entered.

"Stay here," he whispered towards Jason and went down.

He half expected to run upon some tabloid reporter. He remembered how it had been after Superman left and this time it was even worse.

* * *

><p><em><strong> Warning: major character death<strong>. _


	2. The Intruder

**Chapter 1b**

**The Intruder**

The Intruder didn't try to hide himself. It wasn't any stranger but his uncle waiting for him in the hall.

"I've picked up the lock, "Perry explained and pointed to towards almost professional item that had helped him.

Richard recognized it

"I've given it to Lois three years ago as a joke Christmas present," he spoke almost hypnotized with the item.

"I know. I took it from the things that had been in her desk. Good choice."

Richard ignored the compliment; he felt his anger to rise towards the older man. For intruding his house, for borrowing Lois's belongings like that, and the most of all for reminding him of her this way. But maybe the anger had been always there waiting under surface to boil. Richard liked his uncle almost as his own parents but in recent years there had been one sore spot between them – Lois. It was silent disagreement they both pretended didn't exist, but neither had forgotten. Richard still remembered their first talk about Lois when he'd just met her.

"Don't go there, Richard," Perry had told him, "you will just hurt both of you; work would do her better rebound than any person with bones and flesh."

He hadn't listened. So what? And maybe the Editor-in-Chief was right it was a rebound at first, as there were no way it could go so far so quickly otherwise, but what had happened, happened and Richard never regretted circumstances which had brought him and Lois together permanently. After wilder start they had settled down.

He had thought his uncle had seen, that despite everything, in the end it was a success. He had been wrong. Three years later and after good amount of alcohol they had have a talk about Lois again.

"You see, you were wrong at the beginning, we have a normal harmonic relationship with Lois now," Richard had started.

On that Perry had just snorted, "Normal should have never be good enough for Lane."

Richard didn't remember it, Perry always claimed neither did he, but according to eyewitness what had followed had been one nasty punch to face from Richard to his relative.

"What do you need?" asked Richard as polite as his last memory let him.

"Just checking how you are holding up."

"As bad as could be expected. No change from yesterday when we saw each other the last time."

"Just don't forget you aren't the only one Lois's death is affecting."

Richard's anger heightened. Of course he knew Lois was gone, but thinking about it with finality of the word dead still felt too soon. He barely put it trough yesterday memorial service.

"Are we talking about Jason or you?"

"Both and even more. Jimmy has returned to work today but he has been like living dead. I know he has got job offer from New York and he is seriously considering it. After Kent and Superman have left Lois and I were last real remainders of the golden times. Hell, I'm thinking about retirement myself! I have been hardly able to spend half of a day there since her death; the bullpen feels too shallow now."

His uncle looked more lost than Richard ever saw him. That made all his anger disappeared more effectively that any time given to calm down.

"Everything has been falling apart for some time. The last normal day was two weeks ago when we went to trip to the Museum of Natural History and even that ended with Jason in hospital. How fair is that?"

"Richard," Perry started gently, "I know you two had an argument recently and it's bothering you greatly because thinks will have to remain untold, but there's just no good way for tragedies to happen. You have to believe that given the time you two would have gone through it like always before."

Richard nodded wondering if "Never speak ill of the dead" started to apply on the relationships too, but decided not to comment on it. Besides, he didn't want to continue this discussion. He knew for sure that it hadn't been any ordinary argument and now he was doomed to wonder about it for the rest of his life.

"Can I do anything for you?" continued Perry.

Can I do anything? He asked it a lot of times recently, and where it mattered, the answer was always no. But maybe...

"Do you know what was the reason for a blackout that caused it?"

"No, I had some people on it, but you are right, I could have done more. I´m going to sent the best, and call some contacts of my own."

Richard knew Perry would hold his word. It seemed even to help him a little. It`s always important to have a purpose. There wasn't a lot to tell left and Perry left short afterwards.

Richard climbed the stairs he spotted small head looking trough half open door.

"Uncle Perry is sad," stated his son clearly hearing it all. Richard just hoped that earlier the anger wasn't evident in his voiced.

"We all are."

Jason nodded.

"Do you think Superman would be too if he was here?"

Richard blinked surprised. Neither Jason nor Richard had ever met the Metropolis former hero, and after years of absence, it almost felt like the powerful alien had never been real at all. But after the _Why World doesn't need Superman_ won the Pulitzer his name had been mention quite often and even more after his fiancée's accident. Richard wondered how long it would last for boy to hear more wild gossip about his mother and the Man of Steel, or if he already had. But perhaps he was reading too much in an innocent question.

He thought about it for a moment. He didn't know if Superman's psychic was different from human. Superman always seemed emotionless during his rescues, but then again, same could be told about any emergency staff facing tragedies day after day. One have to be able emotionally distant himself to be able to help. But how he was outside the work, was there any real outside? Lois had been always vague about it.

Only one thing Richard was sure of, if he was him, he would be devastated. The tragedy had happened and no one was able stop it. And then there was a man who had the power to do that and it had happened in spite of it because he just hadn't been there. In a way that made him the one responsible. The weight of that truth was enormous. Was it like that with every person he wasn't able to save? Was Lois special, so it would hurt even more? If he was about to ever meeting the kryptonian again Richard would make sure to ask.

"I think he would be very sad," he finally answered his son's question.  
>Jason nodded, as if it just confirmed what he already though. Richard wondered if Jason was old enough to wonder about responsibility Superman had held towards the that had been the real reason he had left. Richard was suddenly glad he never held that much power over life and dead. A lot of people wished to be in Superman's skin; Richard could have been one of them in the past. Never more.<p>

"Want to do something today? Go to the ZOO or park?" he asked leaving the reflections more suited for philosophers and one absent savior behind.

"Nope."

The answer saddened him, but he couldn't have expected anything else from the boy whose mother was gone... passed away just days before.

"We agreed with your teacher that you would return to school tomorrow, or would you like to stay at home a little longer?"

Jason just shrugged, so Richard decided that the sooner the ordinary routine will return, the better. Maybe he should apply the same rule on himself, but going to the Planet – the place that held essence of what Lois had been more than their own house, felt still too soon. Richard would take all vacation left and then he would see... Sorting Lois belongings felt less painful and maybe he should do just that.

"Do you want to watch the TV?" he asked his son again.

"Nope."

Jason was apparently in no mood for entertainment.

"I need to sort your mother things to see what we can give to people that could need them. Want to do that with me so you can decide what you want to keep?"

This time the boy agreed.

The other kids, even in the state of mind Jason was would have been bored quickly, but Richard knew his son. He was rather patient and systematic and not even on the terms of his age. Richard always wondered where he got that from. His own patience was average and Lois was, well, Lois, _she_ ordered the pace in which things was supposed to happen. Richard missed her greatly.

They spend the whole day going through all her staff with pauses just for food and Richard had to admit that in its own right it was a god day, not the happy one but considering the recent events there was a little that would be more suiting. By the time Jason got to bed they were half done.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I wrote this one few months ago. I usually read after myself few times, going through it I'm still able to find mistakes but I doubt that it would be different if I read it ten more times. Just more frustrating. I didn't have any luck in finding beta that really has time, so I'm wholly responsible and sorry for all mistakes. I needed to get rid of this story and start something new and there is only two ways to do it. <strong>


	3. Bobby Balog

**Chapter 2**

**Bobby Balog**

"Lois has been as usually the most insistent reporter on the board," stated Polly looking at the TV broadcasting some debate about most launch of space shuttle sound was muted, but Richard decided to let it on while waiting for another live input.

"Yeah." He agreed when Polly finally looked from TV and handed him documents worth at least an hour of paperwork. He'd watched the airborne press conference from plane carrying the shuttle too and now he was a little behind with work. He just hoped Polly would get the message from his one-word answer a let him be.

"So when are you two finally tying knots?"

Apparently she didn't. Not to mentioned she just asked the question that was starting to unsettle him greatly. Even more considering recent events.

"Look, Polly I'm sorry, but I really need to return to work."

"Sorry, I'm…" The end on of her sentence never came out, because suddenly she stilled, her face went almost white and her eyes became fixed on the screen above his head.

"Richard," she whispered.

He turned, the sound was still off but he could see expressions on reporters' faces and read the text moving on the bottom of the screen.

_GENESIS IS DEALING WITH SERIOUS COMPLICATIONS!_

He franticly reached for a remote and added volume.

"We've just received word that the inaugural flight Genesis space shuttle is experiencing a midair emergency. The reports are telling us the shuttle failed to disengage sending both crafts rocketing towards space."

They continued half reporting half speculating in quick excited voices, and Richard continued to repeat to himself, that they would be able to solve it and land the plane and shuttle safely, but then the atmosphere changed. Those few second of silence would normally past unnoticed, but in contrast to previous frantic talk no one could miss them. Finally the male reporter spoke in clear slow voice:

"Dear viewers, we've just received report that the space shuttle disappeared from the radar of the Mission Control Center. The MCC confirmed that they lost all connections not a second earlier. The reason is most probably the explosion due to earlier complications. The plane and the shuttle carried thirty-four people including…"

He had to turn from the TV only to stare to Polly's shocked face.

Richard blinked. It took him few seconds to acknowledge that in the truth he wasn't seeing his colleagues corpse-like pale face and scarily bulging eyes, but the window in his bedroom.

This was the first day he planned to spend in his own company. From the start it wasn't the relief he'd expected. There was no false sympathy or even the honest one, no people with inappropriate questions, no Jason to keep him company just time for his own unsettling thoughts. They were running in cycles leading towards memories he wasn't prepared to face.

He continued to sort Lois's belongings; however, any progress was questionable. He was just putting everything from one box to another and then he changed his mind end returned it where it had been before. Through all this the home phone continued to ring and he continued to ignore it. Nevertheless, when the melody of electronic bell announced someone on the front door, this time he at least went to look who was ringing.

As yesterday it was Perry. After he opened, Richard found to his big surprise, that he wasn't alone. Jason was standing next to him and at the moment he was studying his own shoelaces with a great interest.

"Hi, I'm glad you decided to open today. I still have that set on locks but this way it's much quicker. Jason has been suspended for the week because starting a fight. Unofficially. It wouldn't appear in his records. It's school's way of telling you that you may be a parent but according to their psychologist Jason need to stay away for little longer."

"I consulted his return with his teacher and the principal," frowned Richard.

"Apparently, they have changed their mind. Oh, and not to forget, for some reason I was only relative they were able to reach. You should really start picking up your phone, Richard. Change the number if those hyenas from Star are still bothering you."

"Thanks, I'll be thinking about it, I can take it from here. Jason, come in."

The boy entered and Richard turned again towards his uncle: "Would you like to come too?"

"No, thank you, I have a work to do. You were right about the blackout; I should have been following it from the start. Jimmy has pointed _something_ out and I'm starting to think he has been right." At the last words Perry's face darkened, but Richard didn't ask for better explanation. For now, his son was more important.

"What has happened?" he asked after Perry left.

He was now kneeling so their faces were on same level, even if Jason was still avoiding his gaze.

"You wouldn't understand," the boy sobbed, tears appearing on his cheeks.

"Try me."

"Bobby Balog told me that I have to stop act like a girl, like I was the poorest thing on the world and everyone have to be nice on me, because he don't believe I'm not better without mom, that she liked only her work and I was just an accident. How can someone be an accident?"

Richard sighed. Maybe Jason hadn't been exactly a planned child, but that didn't make him any less loved. Richard would bet that Bobby Balog didn't understand what he had said himself, but he couldn't be angry at the boy. Richard had heard boy's own mother left to become famous stuntwoman when the boy hadn't been even one year old. There was little wonder what Bobby's father thought about carrier women now, no doubt voicing it before his son. Where were the simpler times when bullies were just bullies and not every coin had two sides? Maybe they never existed.

"Bobby just repeated something, he'd heard, without knowing what it means. Don't worry about it and you knew your mother better, so we both knew she loved you."

"Bobby never even spoke to her," agreed Jason. He had stopped crying even if his eyes were remaining red.

Richard felt as if he had just passed yet another test of a single parent. If Lois was there, she would add some sarcastic comment and then had try to explain it to their curious son for hours with Richard silently chuckling. Because there was only one thing even Lane's sharp tongue was no match to – her own child's innocence. Richard missed her.

Still, there remained some untold details, which requested to be cleared out.

"Uncle Perry told you started a fight. Is that a truth?" Richard's voice was carefully balancing between interest and severity.

"No."

Richard believed it. Jason had never have any serious problems in preschool or before in kindergarten. Well, at least not with being aggressive. Richard just hoped recent tragedy won't change this. He didn't like the though of Jason bullying other children, besides obvious it didn't fit with Jason at all. If anything, his son had been always unordinary emphatic.

"So what happened?"

"I told Bobby, that I don't want to talk with him, but I had to go besides him to go to my place, but he won't go aside so I tried to shelve him with my hand."

"That was all?" couldn't believe Richard.

Jason nodded.

How could that even seem like a fight was beyond Richard. Maybe it was really nothing else than school wanting Jason to stay at home longer.

"That's all that happened?"

Jason bit his lip, looked at the floor and then after what seemed like a moment to encourage himself again at Richard.

"Bobby flew back like a doll and crashed into a chair. He broke his hand."

"Jason!" for the moment Richard was so shocked, that he even didn't know how to continue.

"No one can fly away like that, when you just shelve him." It was said in much more severe tone than in which their talk started.

"Bobby did! He did!" shouted Jason crying again.

Richard wasn't happy to see his son so upset, but Jason clearly wasn't telling the truth and it wouldn't do him any good if Richard let it go now.

"Jason, don't lie to me."

"I told you, you wouldn't understand," Jason's voice was getting higher as his crying was becoming more intense. His face as red as his eyes.

Jason's last sentence sounded as something thousands of angry teenagers must shout at their parents every day, but Jason was no adolescent and there was no rage in his voice just sadness and fear. Richard was starting to worry; this could easily lead to another asthmatic attack. He embraced his son to soothe him.

"Came, we put lunch together, " suggested Richard after Jason calmed a little. For now this accident has to stay without solution.

That night lying in the on his half of the bed Richard wasn't able to fall asleep for the long time. And the reason wasn't even the empty place next to him or the floor with carton boxes containing what once belonged to his fiancée.

No, Richard still couldn't fully proceed that even people so full of life and fire could die, that no matter how many times you escaped death it grants you no immunity in next encourager, that Lois Lane was no exception; but that were dark clouds far away on the horizon. He won't escape it and then he won't ever be the man he had been before, but that didn't scare him, because there was something he feared more right in front of him.

He was losing Jason, not it the way he had lost Lois in the end, but close enough to situation in which their relationship found itself towards the end. Someone could tell that he was overreacting, that incident in Jason's school wasn't that big considering what he was going through; Richard though that if there was anything small about it was in the sense the falling snow flake was comparing to avalanche it would once become part of. The next few days proved him right.

When Jason hadn't appeared on time, this time Richard didn't hesitate and headed straight to boy's room. Again Jason was already awake. However, he wasn't looking to empty space like two days ago, instead he was curled under comforter in fetal position sobbing quietly. The apparent effort to hide was what unsettled Richard the most.

"What's wrong?" asked Richard quietly sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I miss mom."

Richard wondered if there was any good remark for that. If yes, he didn't know it.

"Jason, look at me."

Jason turned towards him and then even sat up. Richard hugged him, but couldn't help to stay worried. Jason used to cry from the first day he heard the horrible news, but never before he appeared to try to hide it, much less for his own father. It was supposed to get better with the time, not worse, wasn't it? Richard felt as if he was overseeing some important clue.

"Come, get dressed, it's time to go out."

They went to a park. They were sitting on the bench and eating hot-dogs when Jason out of blue repeated his morning statement.

"I miss mom."

"She would have understood." he added after a moment.

Richard had to think a little to come to conclusion that Jason was probably talking about yesterday's accident. If it was the case, he had to disagree. Lois was sometimes intimating and never afraid to tell or ask anything, but she would have hardly been good with her son bulling other children and then lying about it. Nevertheless, it was understandable for Jason to think so. Richard decided not comment and the boy continued his impossible blue eyes turning from Richard and looking to park.

"She wanted to tell you herself. She promised it wouldn't take long. Look, they have four puppies, cane I go and pet them?"Jason didn't wait for his answer and run towards young couple with four little weimaraners that was quickly becoming the center of attention of all children nearby.

Richard briefly wondered if Jason knew for what grown-ups used sudden change of topic for or it was just coincidence, but then the weight of whole statement hit him. Jason knew what Lois had been unable to tell him before her death and it was affecting him too.

Richard waited till they returned home to ask Jason what was bothering him since his son's confession in the park. They were preparing the dinner when he decided the right time came.

"Jason, you have mentioned that mom wanted to tell me something."

"Yep."

Richard had hoped he wouldn't have to ask straight, but apparently that wasn't the case.

"What it was?"

Jason hesitated, he opened his mouth and was about to say something, then he changed his mind again, stopped and his brows frowned as if he was thinking about some complicated problem.

"Do I have to?" he asked finally.

"Please."

"I can't I'm scared. After mom… I don't want to lose you too, dad." Jason face was pleading and his eyes were starting to tear up.

"I's all right, you won't lost me. And you are right you don't have to. You will tell me when you'll be prepared."

Jason nodded and then even given his father watery smile of gratitude. Richard decided that no matter what he wouldn't pressure Jason again, even if he couldn't stop himself from hoping his son would tell him soon and then maybe their life would become something at least resembling normality.


	4. Plane

**Chapter 3a**

**Plane**

Richard had been prepared for months, maybe even years of patient waiting till his son would be able to reveal what his fiancée hadn't been, assuming it would take time. However, future doesn't like being predicted.

The break – even if at first it was hardly recognizable as one, came two days after they put last of Lois's former belongings into a carton box. Day after he had heard about stealing a meteorite containing kryptonite from The Metropolitan Museum. (He'd just briefly assumed that there were still Superman obsessed lunatics even after all those years and forgotten all about it in the next moment.) It was a Sunday again.

"Aren't you hungry, don't you need to go to the toilet?" asked Richard when they were passing by yet another gas station.

"Nope and nope" answered Jason from the back seat.

One of Richard's friends had called and asked him to look at old plane he considered selling. Normally Richard would have refused, but since he still hadn't returned to work he had quite a time to waste. Besides, it was making an interesting trip for Jason. The aircraft was standing forgotten for decades in small hangar/barn about three hours ride from Metropolis in the middle of an open rural country. For a city kid like Jason it was a radical change of scenery. Richard had been amused when he saw his son's enthusiastic face in a back-mirror once they missed the border of suburbs and entered a land of endless flat fields and wide open sky. Not even a skeleton of a dinosaur they once had seen got that type of reaction out of the boy.

It was one of those little oddities he liked about Jason. Mostly, he took after Lois, sparkles of her quick wit and even quicker tongue were visible even now, the features common with Richard was far rarer, but sometimes he was a person entirely of his own. Liking this type of scenery was something that he couldn't get from either of his parents. Richard couldn't help but imagine Lois' reaction too. She would have hated it here with a passion. He still missed her so much it hurt; he thought about her probably thousand times a day. Today the worst were two hours that didn't even exist. Two hours he should have spent arguing with his fiancée about going to a family trip to a place she would have considered a free sample of the hell.

He still remembered her words when he had suggested spending the holiday on the farm of his remote cousin. "Forget it, Richard! I won't be trapped for a week at the place where whole scenery consists of corn, corn, more corn, cow and corn again. It sounds like Smallville's dreamland. Absolutely forget it!"He never discovered what or who Smallville was supposed to be, and now he lost the chance.

His thoughts were again wandering towards a depressing path, but he refused to let them, it was a nice sunny day and he and Jason were supposed to be taking a trip and enjoying it. Mostly they were. They talked about everything, or just enjoyed the silence, trying the live despite the sore spot of one important person missing.

"Look, dad just missed the exit to Outhouseville" spoke Jason.

Jason was fascinated with weird names of the towns they were passing by. Well, even if they till now they hadn't been that much weird.

"You made that up."

"Did not," argued Jason in his best trying- to-sound-innocent tone.

„I'm the driver, I watch the road, I see everything." He answered in sing-song voice.

"But it should be there, it would be sooo much more fun."

Richard chuckled.

"We should have a cabriolet too, it would by cool."

"We have a plane, that's better."

"Yeah, we have one at home, and I'm not allowed to fly in it till I'm at least one hundred and fifty." Sighed Jason.

"Lucky you, It's whole ten years before you are allowed to start dating."

"Eww."

Richard smiled at his son's predictable answer. If Jason takes after him, he would still have eight years till there would be any need to worry even about a first crush.

In the end they absolved the whole route with only one stop, even if they didn't get exactly to the final destination. At the entrance of the property was blocked by an iron gate. It was quite funny because it was a real gate not some road barrier, but there was no other part of the fence standing. Less amusing was the fact, that Richard didn't have a key.

"We can get around it trough the field," suggested Jason.

"Or we can walk." thought Richard aloud.

"Walking then."

"Are you sure, Jason? I think it's more than half of a mile. Are you breathing all right, aren't yours eyes itching? I don't want you to go sick out of nowhere."

"I'm all right. I wasn't sick for weeks; I have my inhaler and more medicines than the nurse in school. We can go."

Richard wasn't so quick with his decision. Jason was really much healthier lately. He had gone for weeks without even so much as sneezing once. It was for sure the longest period in boy's life. Richard checked his cell phone. At least if something happened there'd be a signal.

"All right, I take my camera and some food and we can go."

It didn't take them long to reach the only building around. (At least if you didn't count barely standing ruins that probably served as a farmhouse once.) It was some hybrid between a barn and a hangar, with wooden walls and metal roof, both looking neglected. Gate door was closed, secured by a chain and heavy padlock.

"Do you have the key?" asked Jason.

"What if I didn't? We would have to go back whole way back to Metropolis without getting anything done." Richard hoped that wasn't the case.

"I wouldn't mind," shrugged Jason," It would be still fun, besides, we can always pick up the lock."

"Have to disappoint you, munchkin, I don't know how to pick up a lock."

"I do."

Richard raised both eyebrows.

"I watched mom few times, when she forgotten her keys from home, or lost them or told it was quicker then searching for them on the bottom of her bag."

Richard doubted just watching could help you achieve this type of skill, but he had a little doubt about the truthfulness of the other part of the statement. It sounded just like something Lois would do. For a fleeting moment a warm feeling spread trough him, until it turned freezing cold when he remembered she was dead.

"Let's try a more usual route first. I have that key in my pocket."

The rusted lock put some protest, but using a little physical force, Richard was able to open it. The gate door was luckily more cooperating.

He wasn't sure what he expected. Gerald's description wasn't the most exact.

"I've inherited some property when my grandaunt passed away. The land is rented and the farmhouse is in ruins for decades but someone told me there is probably still a plane in the barn. It should have some value or be worthless waste, but I'm unable to escape Europe for the next few months and I hardly know anything about planes anyway," was all Richard had been told.

Now he was pleasantly surprised. The plane appeared to be in a great shape.

"What it is?" asked Jason.

"N3N."

Jason frowned, "We saw one in the museum. Shouldn't it be yellow with floats?"

Jason has sometimes a freaky memory. The said visit had took place more than a year ago and Richard doubted Jason had heard about the plane ever since. Truth to be told, he would have love to discover the seaplane version, but this was good enough.

"They made it both with wheals and floats. This one had been used for a crop dusting."

"Can I go inside?"

Richard looked doubtfully at the shelter.

"Rather not. You have good enough view from where you are."

Richard went in to take some photos for Gerald. As he worked he spoke, sharing random facts he remembered about this type of plane and a crop dusting. Jason didn't love the planes the way he did, but he was naturally curious about almost anything. And even if the aircrafts itself wasn't his obsession, the ability to soar above the ground was. Jason had been begging for getting airborne for quite some time. He didn't miss this opportunity either.

"Will you take me flying sometime?" he asked when Richard was locking the gate.

Richard was about to repeat the usual answer – not in the next few years, but then he stilled. It had been Lois' stance of their continuing argument. He thought Jason wouldn't be in any greater danger than sitting in a car, Lois had disagreed. He hadn't given in, they just agreed on the same answer for Jason for the time being.

What he had to do now? He knew, she had been wrong, but she wasn't here to vindicate her opinion. Never will be again. Should he be following her wished, because it felt wrong to cross them, now that she was helpless to prevent it? Should he act upon his own will, because it seemed no more right, to blindly pursue non-live memory like some kind of rigorous dogma?

"I'll take you after Christmas as soon as the weather allows it."

Jason beamed with joy.

Richard felt two very strong opposite emotions at the same time. It seemed as if he just made the bravest, the most right decision of his live and at the same time he never before felt that much as a traitor.

They had lunch sitting on a dirty ground in front of the barn. It held some quality of the simpler times, when it had been a man against the wild nature and life had been hard but simple. Even if you could hardly call the endless square miles of a monoculture wild. But a modern man has to go with what was left.

"We still have two hours, if we want to catch that fair in Shelbyville. Would you like to look around, before we go?"

"Yep." Jason didn't even finish the word before he stood and run where eyes led him, with sudden intense display of enthusiasm, trait undoubtedly inherited from his mother.

Richard tried to follow him without success. "Jason, slow down!" he shouted, barely able to believe, he couldn't catch a fragile five year old. He really should be doing something with his condition. When it become so bad?

He was in the middle of planning long route of morning jogging, when he heard the cracking sound.

The second time in short period of time Richard was forced to watch a fatal accident happening to someone he loved and unable to stop it. He saw with a surprising clarity as dust and pieces of disintegrated rotten slabs flew to all directions when Jason's weight broken them, then his son gradually disappeared from his view as he was falling down. After way too long time, Richard heard the sound of an impact. There was some water down there.

"Jason!" his own voice sounded almost inhuman deformed with a shock.


	5. The Water Well

**Chapter 3b**

**The Water Well**

Richard ran. The fear and helplessness he felt almost broke him to pieces. When he finally stopped, he hesitated, unsure if he was prepared for the reality.

"Jason? Are you…are you all right?" he shouted before even looking down.

"Yes, but the water is too deep," echoed from what sounded like thirty yards below.

Richard finally looked. It was a dug well about twenty something yards deep. The sun was reflecting from the water surface and he was able to recognize Jason's form.

"Are you sure you aren't hurt?" he asked anxious.

"Nothing hurts."

"Then hang on, I'll have to leave you and find something that will help you to stay above the water."

He waited for Jason's agreement and then he run towards the barn. He unlocked it and after quick frantic search he was able to find two empty plastic canisters still with lids and even some shrouds and rope. He hurried back not slowing for a moment.

He knelt near the edge and looked down, Jason face was titled towards him.

"I've found something. I'll try to haul it down to you."

He tied two canisters together and then with weaker knot Jason will be able to untie secured them on the end of the shroud. He just hoped that put together with the rope it will be long enough. When he was done he called on Jason again.

"Stay close to the wall."

Jason obeyed and Richard started the task. He carefully slid down the rope trying to stay close to the well's wall and as far from Jason aspossible. In the end the rope together with the shroud were long enough even if just barely.

"You can try to take it."

"I have it," announced Jason after a moment.

"Is it enough to keep you above water?"

"Yes."

"All right, I'm going to pull up the rope."

"Can't you pull me up too?" pleaded Jason scared.

"I'm sorry, the rope is too short and shroud wouldn't be able to stand your weight." And even if yes it would be still too dangerous. "I'll have to call some help."

When the rope was finally lying again on the ground beside him, he dialed 911.

It took about half of hour, till the rescue team with needed equipment arrived. The whole time Richard had try to sustain Jason in a good mood. It had been harder than he would have though even besides the obvious. There were moments when Jason had been lapsing to almost hysterical states, desperately trying to convict Richard that he have to help him himself. It wasn't a pleasant experience.

Once the help arrived the rescue was surprisingly quick and efficient.

"You are a lucky fellow, little one. I have heard about people that had felt to wells deeper than this and get out only with small injuries, saw it once on my own eyes, but to do it without even one scratch or bruise, that is something else," spoke the paramedic – big gruffly man with red beard, while checking Jason.

The boy just nodded numbly.

"And you are double lucky to have father like that. Good thinking Mr-"

"White."

"People are sometimes surprised, but most deaths in those types of accidents are caused by drowning, or hypothermia not injuries gained by the fall. Of course, you can lost the consciousness because of it, but even if you didn´t you'll quickly get tired."

Richard nodded. "Does he have to go to hospital?" He asked pointing towards his son.

"Do you want to, lad?" asked the paramedic.

"No! " answered Jason vehemently.

"Then I don't see the reason for adding unnecessary stress. I haven't found any signs of potential injuries, but if he felt any pain in following days or something felt out of normal don't hesitate to visit a doctor."

After few another formalities and quick call to Gerald the rescuers took them to Richard's car.

The ride home was quiet one. Jason was looking silently out of window covered in blanket, his dump clothes lying near. Richard had tried to talk to him few times, but his answers had been monosyllabic at best. In the end Richard decided to let him be – for time being. His own mind was in chaos.

Was it just a bad accident, which looked worse than it was, or had he been close to losing yet another person from his rapidly decreasing family?

If Jason lost consciousness, he would be probably dead. If there hadn´t been any water he would be seriously injured. If there hadn't been any well at all there would be no accident. The list of possibilities was endless Richard could have spend all his life going through them without getting any real answer.

Was he overreacting? The paramedic had told it was no miracle Jason got out without serious injuries. The only oddity was that he hadn´t had even the small ones at all. It had been just a normal accident not tragedy that miraculously hadn't happened. Richard would be far calmer, if he was able to convince himself about it. Just a normal accident.

_„It has been just an asthmatic attack. Just a normal asthmatic attack." Lois had been murmuring to herself, when he entered the kitchen at the morning after what he considered was the last normal day of their relationship. _

_„It has been just an asthmatic attack. Just a normal asthmatic attack," she had repeated, when they had been talking about it during breakfast. _

_„It had been a normal asthmatic attack," he heard her again after they parted for a work with a brief kiss. _

The series of memories coming were little unexpected but much less than clarity of conclusion that came with them. Lois had tried to convince herself just as he moment ago. Was she afraid they were close to losing Jason, just like today? But why? They had been trough much worse with Jason's fragile health and she never behaved that way. And if not, what else it could have been? Richard tried to guess, but in the end he gave up deciding that he had more urgent problems to worry about.

They arrived at home far earlier, then they planned at the morning, fair in Shelbyville completely forgotten after the horrible experience with the well. At least till the end of the dinner Jason had been behaving almost normally. Richard decided to let him go to school next morning. He had already spent too much time at home, first after Lois's death and then because of Bobby Balog incident. The same incident Richard had decided to ignore. Yeah, that was really feature of a responsible parent, he though frustrated.

At Monday evening Richard heard about report on stolen kryptonite. He had been watching news.

_"At the internet an auction has appeared offering the piece of kryptonite recently stolen from Metropolis Museum of Natural History. The substance is famous for its deadly effect on Metropolis former superhero – Superman. Till this time the largest bidding reached $100,000. The identity of courageous seller is remaining undiscovered," _spoke the moderator.

"Do you think they will find it?" asked Jason looking up from his drawings.

"I don't know, munchkin. If we wanted to see it, we probably had missed our chance."

"We didn't. We have seen it when we went to Museum, before mom died."

"We did?" Richard didn´t remember it. They must had been near that part of exposition somewhere around Jason's asthmatic attack otherwise he wouldn't have missed it.

"Yeah," Jason answer sounding a little unsure. For a reason Richard didn't understand he looked as if he done something he shouldn't. Richard was about to ask what was wrong but then a melody announced coming call.

"Hi Perry, what´s the matter?"

"I have to talk you about something, but I rather would not to do it through the phone. Can you stop by the Planet in hour or so?"

"Right now? You should have called during day."

"I know, and I'm one guilty for postponing it till the last moment, I have been telling myself that you have other problems to worry about, but it can´t wait any longer."

"I don´t want to leave Jason with a babysitter. What about tomorrow morning?"

Perry hesitated for a moment but in the end he agreed.

"Come by to my office around nine."

"I…"

"I know you refused to go anywhere near the Planet since Lois's death, but now is the best time to stop running away. It's important."

"All right, I'm going to be there."

"Bye."

"Bye."

"What uncle Perry wanted?"

"Nothing."

"He called and say _Hi, I want nothing?_" asked Jason unconvinced.

Richard chuckled "Hey, don't be a smartass or you end up a reporter when you grow up. Besides, isn't it the time to clean your teeth and go to bed already?"

"I'm going, I'm going," said Jason in tone like he had been just sentenced to life imprisonment.

The rest of the evening and even part of the night almost till the dawn Richard spend wondering what Perry's call was about. He knew his uncle, what he was about to hear won't be any triviality.


	6. Camera

**Chapter 4a**

**Camera**

He was on his way to Daily Planet when he heard about the kryptonite again.

_"Australian police arrested 17 years old Steven Chou - initiator of internet auction offering recently stolen piece of kryptonite. The art school student confessed that he never owned the missing piece. The boy took advantage of the news of robbery. If the action realized as it should the only stuff the buyer would get would be very convicting imitation made of color glass," _came from the radio. 

It was first time since call when Richard thoughts wandered from what Perry was going to reveal him. He remembered his talk with Jason from yesterday.

Lois had been trying to convince herself that Jason had have just a normal asthmatic attack and they've seen piece of kryptonite in Metropolis museum.

It was fascinating how little facts about those few strange days before her death kept coming to him, even if there was no other connection between them besides that they were little random details Richard was able to learn even after the tragedy.

They have seen piece of kryptonite because Lois tried to convince herself that Jason has just a normal asthmatic attack. That sentence sounded so illogical it was almost funny. It should have, it wasn't even in right timeline order. It had to be more like…

Richard never thought he would be ever distracted like this while riding a car. He went on red light in full speed and then almost crashed into one of the street lamps. He stopped at nearest park stop his heart pouting wildly, not from the car accident he barely avoided but because of tricks his mind was playing on him.

Lois had been trying to convince herself Jason had just normal accident, because they have seen a piece of kryptonite. They have seen in the time when it happened. It shouldn't mean anything but then there was that crazy flashlight moment, when his mind put this unknown to equation and suddenly everything made sense.

He took few calming breaths and went through it again in slower speed. Lois had thought that Jason could have had a reaction to kryptonite. For now he rather ignored implications of it. By the end of the day she convinced herself she had been just seeing things and everything returned to normal. But how was it possibly that she found out only after all those years? How could she not known before? It made no sense, yes, no sense at all. That was a calming thought Richard knew, and a self lying. For day or two it all returned to normal and then Jason got the camera.

_"Jason is all right. It's just that camera. He has broken it and it has upset him a lot," she had told him when he found her in almost shock like state. "Please don't ask him about it," she had added. _

Could she been in the shock because Jason broke the camera, but surely there was a lot of ways how a kid can broke such a fragile apparatus even without…. _using super-strength _his traitor mind added.

But none of the first could justify why Lois was so shocked with it, why she felt so guilty, or what was the secret she was unable to tell him. The one that had been tearing their relationship to pieces, one that maybe would be even able to destroy it if her death hadn't came first. Lois had seen the proof, the one she couldn't ignore – the camera. And now was Richard desperate to see it on his own eyes. He started the engine decided to go home and try to find it but then he changed his mind. He was too dishabille to ride. He rather called a cab.

Once inside the car, he still couldn't find rest. If what Jason done to camera was out of ordinary human possibilities his boy would now know something was amiss. That would be how he knew Lois's secret. It has been his secret even more then hers. 

And then Bobby Balog, if Jason… Richard wouldn't have understood. He didn't. And the accident with the old water well.

That Jason survived wasn't any miracle, but it was really odd he hadn't got one scratch. But strange things happen, Richard tried to tell himself.

"Sir, we are here."

Richard just then realized they had been standing before his house for some time.

"Oh yes, thank you."

He paid and had to put some effort not to run once he leaved the cab, after front door closed, he stopped trying and sped upstairs towards the bedroom.

There were only two carton boxes left.

"Damn, damn, damn!"

He got quickly thought both of them. Nothing. Could he have already chunked it out? He tried to remember. No, he had been still too obsessed with that forsaken camera, when they've been packing Lois's staff not to notice it. But how could he know she kept it at all? No, she had Jason's first drawing framed and hanging in hall, she wouldn't be able to get rid of something as significant as this, even if she had to hide it. But where? He tried to empathize into Lois's situation. She would…

He felt cell phone in his pocket vibrating.

"What the-"

He was about to turn it off but then he saw caller's id.

"I'm sorry, Perry."

"Where are you?"

"At home."

"At home? Richard-"

"I was on the way, but then something happened. I really can't right now, what about tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow will be too late."

"Can you at least outline what's going on?"

"Not trough the phone."

Richard sighed frustrated and didn't even try to hide it. "Then I really don't know what to do. Look, is it necessary for me to know?"

"No, but it probably would be better not to hear it from media."

"I'll cope somehow. Right now…" Richard didn't even know how to end the sentence. "Thanks for trying to tell me." He meant it.

When call the ended fear spread trough him. Could Perry know about Jason? But he mentioned media. His uncle wouldn't let him go without warning if such a sensitive family secret was about to reach public years. Besides, there still could be no secret at all. Now, if he just could find that damn camera.

What would have Lois done? She could have hid it during her return home. No, she wouldn't have time. Richard had no doubt that upset Jason had been her priority. It had to be somewhere on their property. He knew their house probably even better then Lois, he tried to think about good hiding place – and came with nothing. He had even commented on it after buying the house. He had been speaking to Lois back then! What had she answered? It was so long time ago. Richard tried to repeat his own comment, associations anything that could help him. He came with something. She hadn't suggested the hiding place, but entirely different way how to approach the problem. But what it had been?

It was so frustrating, but he wouldn't give up. He was so close.

It had been something about not hiding it at all! The best hidden are things that appear to be on their right place. But how it applied on broken camera? The answer came surprisingly quickly.

They had argued about that box with old gadgets – garbage had Lois called it, too often for Richard to forget about it. Lois had thought it was absolutely unnecessary to keep it. Richard had argued they have enough space and you never know. It would be best place. There were even his own two old broken cameras.

Entering the garage he found it easily enough and with almost shaking hands he opened it. He couldn't contain doubts when he didn't saw it on the top. He dug deeper.

There in the bottom third laid his answer. The carefully put the apparatus out. It was deformed. He positioned it as he was about to take a photograph. He indicated the movement and then gasped. He wasn't even sure if he was seeing what he expected or the impossible. Probably both.

A durable metal cover was recessed in the place shutter release had been. Exactly as it should have been if the one little super-strong finger tried to push it and measured wrongly the pressure, or had it been rather the speed?

Richard sat on the floor unable to decide what to do now.


	7. Fathers and Sons

**Chapter 4b**

**Fathers and Sons**

Richard spent two hours in the garage and only decision he was able to come with was to move to the living room. He did so. His mind was too full of contradicting thoughts and emotions to work properly.

He _wanted_ to feel hurt, angry and betrayed. He was just given serious proof that the boy he had been raising from the day of birth was not his own blood and he had never even suspected anything. No matter what he felt towards Jason and if it had changed or not it was natural to feel harmed, it would be healthier than confusing mess his emotions were now. But how could he be angry on the dead woman, even if she had been lying to him for years? He still missed her so much it hurt.

Besides, he wasn't sure. Yes, in one moment it felt as only explanation but what he really had? One broken camera. If life was at least slightly fair, Lois would be alive and he would be able to ask her. No matter how shattered his image about their relationship seemed now, he still believed she would have answered him. She had wanted to tell him. He remembered Jason's words from park. She'd needed more time. The time she couldn't knew she wouldn't be given. Life isn't fair; no one can change that, but what choice he was left now? One person to answer his questions was dead, the other maybe too, or at least outside of the solar system.

Superman always wore aura of out-worldness, but just when Richard came this close to him, loving woman he had loved and maybe even rising his child, he started to _understand_ what he before only_ knew_ and it was overwhelming.

Overwhelming, out of this world, extraterrestrial those were the last of the complications Richard needed to add at his already too long list of problems.

What would he do if it wasn't for them? What if the other man wasn't superpowered alien but an ordinary man? Maybe even unreachable. It happens even in era of cell phones and internet. If what Jimmy told him was truth Lois's own former partner had been traveling the last distant places on the world for the five years never staying at one long enough to be accessible. Or the other man could be dead or unknown. What Richard would do then?

There would be probably a paternal test. Was it betrayal of Jason if he wanted to know for sure? Because honestly, he did. Could the result change how he thought about Jason?

Yes. He would never again regard Jason his biological child. But would it change how he felt about the boy?

No. Certainty of that answer calmed Richard. However, no matter his need to know the truth, Richard wouldn't do it without Jason's agreement and he was far too young to make that decision yet.

Of course, considering suspected biological father, paternal test wasn't an option. But Superman or no Superman, one thing remained the same – what was most important.

The answer was clear – _Richard's_ son.

It was still few hours before he was supposed to pick up Jason from the school. There was only one chore to do before. He had to go back to his abandoned car.

It occurred to Richard that he probably wasn't doing the best impression being a man waiting in car parked before an elementary school for more than an hour. There didn't seem to be anyone caring though.

He wasn't able to stay at home any longer. Doing what was best for Jason seemed as a simple and clear plan in theory, coming to details not so much.

It would be best to let the question about Jason's parentage unanswered, especially after lost of his mother. Still, it wasn't that simple. If what he suspected was truth, Jason was the only person carrying one of the world's biggest secrets on his own not being able to share it even with his closest family. It was an unimaginable weight put on the shoulders of five years old.

But what he had to do? He couldn't just ask his son. There was still remaining a tiny chance he was wrong and then his question could cause a lot of damage. Even child Jason's age is able to sense that situation is seriously amiss when your parent starts to ask if you are a half-alien. And then he remembered how scared Jason had been when he'd asked about it last time, and he hadn't even suspected anything back then.

But how much Jason really knew? Richard was almost sure his son was aware that he had powers beyond regular human, even was able to understand something bad would happen if people found out. But was his child's mind able to connect the other pieces?

Like the fact there once had been his mother's _friend, _the only other person capable of anything similar. Could this innocent boy made the uncompromising verdict that would take any adult mere seconds? Or had Lois herself told him? Richard just didn't know the answer. Didn't know what to do.

"What's wrong?" asked Jason early during their ride home.

"Nothing."

"You are strange, like if you tried act normal and wasn't better in it then when you sing, dad."

Richard winced. Singing really wasn't one of his qualities. Apparently pretending everything was all right neither.

"I almost crashed with car today," spoke Richard the first thing that came at mind.

The atmosphere in car changed immediately.

Richard swore silently. He had experienced firsthand what it was to lost one close person and then be worried about another while he'd watched Jason falling to the water well and now he himself made his son worry unnecessarily.

"I was nothing." He tried to correct his mistake.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."He wanted to tell his son not to worry, that he would lose him too, but how could he guarantee that? And to add to it, he wasn't even able to tell him he wouldn't leave because of strange abilities he suddenly possessed.

At home Richard spotted Jason when he was washing his hands. When he looked more carefully at the position of a water cock he discovered that Jason must be using cold water.

"You know, the warm water would be better."

"I don't mind."

Richard came closer and took Jason's hands to his, accidently soaking his own. The water was really icy. Not so Jason's hands. They were unnaturally warm . Richard almost couldn't believe that first confirmation after the shocking discovery was such a triviality.

"I see, no cold fingers. But you should still use warm water, it's better for removing dirt."

"Ok." smiled Jason.

During evening Richard tried not to watch Jason too closely. He could hardly suppress the urge. In the first and most important place Jason was his son. But at the same time this fragile boy was offspring of the most powerful being that ever lived on this planet. Jason was his own person, but Richard couldn't help to think about Superman too.

What he knew about the man?

At the start, when he'd appeared, Richard was shocked as everyone. It was one of those situations when all the day's talks had been starting with excited _have you heard…_ no one talked about anything else. There had been flutter in first weeks, then the world got used to it and everyone returned to his own ordinary life.

Just after he met Lois it became more personal, not only she had met him, she considered the hero almost a friend. And now Richard knew it must have been even more. Lois never really talked about him and Richard rarely asked. Now he wanted to. Most of the world considered Superman's life easily tracked and transparent. Most of the world was wrong.

Despite of what was going trough Richard's mind on the outside; there was nothing unordinary about that evening. Jason was drawing and playing with his toys; Richard watched TV or read a little. They talked about everything and anything. They prepared dinner and ate it. They went even flying a kite for an hour. It held different dynamic than when Lois had been alive, but her presence used to be far too pronounced for her absence not to change atmosphere in the house. Nevertheless, in recent time they both had started to get slowly used to the new situation.

It would probably change a little again, when Richard finally returns to work, or at least when he decide what to do about it as his former post held a little appeal for him after everything had changed. But for now, this was their routine.

Richard expected that something had to change after his shocking discovery, but apparently he'd been wrong. If he couldn't know his own thoughts, looking just from the outside he would be never able to spot the significant difference between this evening and one three or four days ago. Even the time to put Jason to bed can surprisingly quickly as usual.

"Will you read me something before I go sleep?" asked Jason.

"Is your room cleaned?"

"Partly," answered the boy innocently.

Of course Richard knew it meant not at all.

"Clean your teeth and then clear your room. I'll wait for you."

Richard stood leant against a doorframe while Jason was cleaning his room. He still wasn't sure how to approach, but his mood was much better than earlier. Maybe people were too depended on words. Maybe quiet understanding, even if it could be difficult, would be able to do what words, or Richard inability to find them wouldn't. Jason was clever boy. He didn't need Richard to tell him to be careful. Or had it been one of the last chores Lois had made as a mother? Jason wasn't prepared to talk about it, possibly neither was Richard, even if he planned to make it easier for his son. To understand that bullies could easily fly few feet when you just nudge them or that biggest danger of the accident wouldn't be injuries but that someone would find that you are unable to get them. He believed that if he wouldn't repeat mistakes from recent time, Jason would feel secure enough to commit to him.

He observed as Jason put one of his toy's to a box. There it was again. An elegant move little quicker than it should be. He would have surely missed it, if he wasn't carefully looking for display of superhuman abilities and even then the difference was too small to pass as the definitive proof.

Another toy was picked up from the floor even quicker, Richard frowned, and then Jason moved across the room so quickly that he becomes just a blur.

"Jason?"


	8. Jason

**Chapter 4c**

**Jason**

The boy stopped and looked at him.

"You found out," he stated in tone far too serious for his age.

"It was kinda hard to miss when you move like that," Richard smiled a little, hoping it would lighten the mood.

Jason shook his head. "You found out earlier, that was why you acted so strange."

Finding of Lois's betrayal was still fresh, not to feel bitter while thinking about her, but Richard suddenly couldn't stop wishing she was here. It must been half wild guess and half brilliant observation from Jason's part. She would have been beaming with pride.

"Yes, I found out earlier." Richard agreed.

"Are you going to leave me?"

"Never! Jason, this hasn't changed that you are my son and I love you."

"But you are just my other dad, aren't you?" Jason sounded uncertain.

Richard could probably use a merciful lie, but he felt it would be the worst way to approach the situation.

"Yes, but I believe I'm the more important one."

Jason nodded and even smiled.

"I wasn't thinking about it till mom died, but then I couldn't help wondering if I am like Tiffany from our class. She has two dads. One she lives with and the other that looks more like her. And I think it's same with Eddie even if he never talks about it."

"You are right."

"I wish I had asked mom. I have never done anything strange before I broke that camera. I was really scared then. Mom told me, it was all right, that she loved me, just that other people mustn't find out. She even told me that you wouldn't stop love me too, that she just wanted to tell you herself. I think it's because you didn't know I have another dad. Was she afraid you would love me less?"

Possibly yes, though Richard, and even more she must had been asking what it would do to their relationship. But he wasn't about to reveal this part to Jason. Superpowers or not, he was still too young to be discussing themes like misleading and betrayal in adult relationships.

"I couldn't do that but I could have been selfish a little to have to share the son as great as you."

That wasn't exactly the answer for Jason's question but it certainly was the truth.

Jason frowned. "But you don't have to share me. Superman is my other father isn't he? And he is away."

"Yes."

Just after he answered, it occurred to Richard that even if Jason was half kryptonian it didn't have to necessarily mean he was son of the Metropolis former hero. There have been other two men from the same planet. Zod and the other, whom name he didn't even remember. They were here just for a brief period, but it was about the point of time in which Jason had to be conceived. They had been less then friendly and he heard that Lois had not so pleasant meeting with them. He never saw any indication of that, but there still was an ugly chance, even if a really tiny one, that Lois had been raped.

"Is something wrong?"

Two blue eyes were watching him intently. Richard often thought color of Jason's eyes appeared almost unearthly. Now he discovered that word _almost_ wasn't quite right. He knew those eyes. Saw them on the lot of iconic pictures. Yes, there had been three kryptonian men, but only one had eyes that matched with blue spandex. And it wasn't just the eyes. Would he be for the rest of his life wonder about glimpses of Superman's personality in Jason? Maybe, but he will never allow it to affect his relationship with his son.

"Nothing is wrong. It just occurred to me, it´s kinda cool to have Superman as a second father."

Jason just shrugged. "I wouldn't mind, if I have just you, you are the best dad ever."

Richard had to admit selfishly that it was good thing to hear for one's ego. But then again, even if Superman was awesome figure, he was hardly collecting good points being missing for years. Had he knew Lois had been pregnant when he was leaving? Somehow Richard doubted it. Had either of them knew it was even possible? How long their relationship lasted? What it was like? Why they broke up? Was it why he left? There were a lot of questions and no one left to answer them. And those were only selfish curiosity, but there were other considering Jason and Richard was no wiser. He would have to learn in process.

"Jason, I'm really glad you told me. And I'll repeat what your mom already told you. I still love you, but you have to be careful with displaying your abilities, like when you run right in front of me."

Jason looked at him with the same expression Lois used to wear when she had to clarify him one of her famous wild leaps in logic. It was mix of impatience, amusement and leniency.

"I have done it on purpose."

Richard gaped shocked.

"It was easier just to show you. I was thinking about how to tell you whole evening because I knew you knew but I was still scared and couldn't find good words. Then I got an idea."

"Hmm."

"But I'm really sorry about what happened to Bobby. I didn't mean it. Sometimes it's hard to control it, That had been the first time I was really angry since it started. But I'm getting better. I broke only one thing since Bobby."

"I'm sorry too, Jason. I should have believed you. So what you can you do?"

"I can't fly," sighed Jason disappointedly.

Yeah, Richard could understand it must be frustrating to get so close to being able to do it, but not achieve it in the end. Was it because Jason was only half kryptonian, or could it depend on age, and he had just to wait a little longer? He didn't know, but he still wanted to cheer Jason a little.

"Well, you can, you just have to do it more usual way. If I remember right, someone promised to take you flying after Christmas."

Jason's face lit up.

"So, any other abilities aside from inability to fly?"

Jason smiled and continued.

"I can run really fast and I'm really strong. I don't get scratches any more. When I try I can hear what the people in the house across the street are talking about. Sometimes I can see trough things. But I can't really control that one."

Richard had to made morbid thanks, that there was no body during Lois memorial service. He couldn't even imagine what it would be like if Jason peeked then.

"I'm sure you will learn to control it like everything else and from this moment on you'll have my help." Spoke Richard and in same instant his cell phone suddenly started ringing. He had to roll his eyes.

"Or right from the moment, you end this call." giggled Jason. "Who's calling?"

"Uncle Perry."

"Take it," suggested the boy.

Richard had initially planned to turn the phone off, his attention too focused on Jason, but his son didn't appear to mind and it hadn't proven clever to ignore Editor in Chief in recent time. If anything else he still hadn't returned that damn pick lock item.

"H- "

„We've cached Luthor," his uncle interrupted.

It will take another few hours till Richard will understand the whole meaning of those three words.

The End


End file.
